Category : Positive Psychology
We all do it when we are in love, we have this picture of the perfect relationship, the perfect partner. We want them to make us happy. After all that’s what love is right? If a person loves you, they should make you happy. Right?
“He makes me so happy; he’s such a great guy”
‘She makes me so happy, she really loves me.’
It’s great and probably romantic but it’s also a wrong way to look at it. Here are reasons why:
- It doesn’t last.
This phase won’t last. In a long term relationship, reality will set in. You partner has their own problems, their own weaknesses, their own frustrations and with time these will show up and the fantasy will be gone and could leave you feeling bitter and disappointed.
- You become a burden.
By depending on your partner for happiness you are being a burden to him or her. You are putting them under pressure to always find ways to make you happy. This pressure will make them unhappy with you, causing you more relationship problems. You will keep checking on them to see if they are making the effort to make you happy to prove their love for you. You are just being unfair both to yourself and your partner
- Happiness comes from within you.
What really makes a person happy is the ability to notice and see the good in others and themselves. Start by looking inside yourself. Notice the good in you and appreciate it. It could be that you are a generous person, ambitious, you like helping others, you are kind to others, and you are good at something maybe singing, dancing, listening to others, writing, reading, cooking or even eating(LOL…Ok eating is not really a talent unless of course you can eat 50burgers at once, in which case you are really onto something). Really notice and appreciate these things about yourself. Only then will you be able to appreciate and notice these things in your partner.
- You will be insecure
Depending on your partner for your happiness makes you insecure. You start worrying about what would happen if he or she left you. Its not great to be dumped but when you realize happiness comes from within, you know you can be just fine even if the person left you. You will stay together out of love not out of fear of being alone. When a relationship is based on such fear, you risk becoming that nagging person who nobody enjoys being with.
- A happy partner is a pleasure to be with.
When you are happy by yourself, you will make a better partner who your partner will want to be with.
- Get a life
When you stop depending on your partner, you will have a life, you will have your own activities and give your partner space. This makes a better relationship because you can have your own me time, go out with your own friends, have your own fun, or course not the kind of fun that will ruin your relationship. Go with the guys to play soccer or watch movies, go with your girlfriend to the saloon, or shopping or doing other girly things. When you are with your partner you will each have new stories and experiences to share which makes for a more exciting and much better relationship.
Thanks for reading. I hope you got a pint or two to help yourself or someone you know. Feel free to comment or criticize.
I am a blogger. I blog about things that interest me. These are: love, life, happiness, positive psychology and business. More correctly just business and positive psychology since the latter covers love, life and happiness.